


Game, Set, Match

by distractionpie



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: M/M, Matchmaking, POV Outsider, Secret Relationship, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8496265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractionpie/pseuds/distractionpie
Summary: Bill is a great wingman. His two best buddies are proving to be a problem though.





	

Bill is a great wingman. It's an objective truth. The only reason that there's nobody to attest to that fact is because his buddies are all trying too hard to be cool and don't want to admit that they needed his help. 

Some cases had been easier than others. Babe had mostly needed kicking in the ass to ramp his moves up from Disney movie sweetness to indicating a serious interest; and he can admit he made a bad call throwing Luz in Lipton's direction before he'd noticed just how obvious the sparks he had with Speirs were. He takes the credit for Dick and Nix though, who probably would have figured themselves out eventually even if he hadn't egged them both on until they hurried the fuck up but would have drowned every room they were in with sexual frustration before they got there. He'd worried about the potential for a disastrous odd man out situation between Muck, Malarkey, and Penkala, and honestly Fran deserves most of the credit for resolving that by providing Bill with several informative leaflets about polyamory that he'd left laying around for the trio to find. Okay, so maybe his approach is a little hit and miss, but the people he wants to match up always do seem to end up together in the end. 

There are only two people that Bill hasn't succeeded up pairing off, and that's George Luz and Joe Toye. 

He's too close to the situation, is the problem. It's hard to provide the gentle nudges needed without making them suspicious. He has to work indirectly instead. 

This week he's arranged for Luz to go on a date with Bill's cousin's friend David, who is a writer for a marine biology magazine that Bill assumes has a readership of about four people all of whom are related to the staff, and who incapable of keeping up a conversation about anything other than his job. In the last six months he's fixed Luz up with a stamp collector, two different IRS agents, a guy with a vehement hatred of all movies, and a _very_ committed vegan. 

After each failed date he invites Luz out for drinks and gets him to talk about what went wrong and to narrow down what he was looking for on the pretence that Bill could make a better pick next time. Actually, he's just waiting for Luz to notice that when he describes his dream guy he's describing Joe _exactly_. It's going slower than he'd like. 

Joe is a little trickier as he maintains that he doesn't want Bill setting him up. His initial approach had been to just spend a lot of time talking up Luz's finer points, but he'd had to knock that on the head when Joe had started inquiring as to if Fran should be worried about the state of their relationship. He's considered the jealousy angle, but that would mean switching up his plans for Luz, and he's not confident that Joe would act upon his jealousy – and stoic resignation to the idea of Luz with somebody else would be the opposite of progress. 

He finds himself playing up his difficulties in finding somebody for Luz, and how much of a waste it would be for Luz to die sad and alone because there were no decent guys willing to step up. 

It hurts his ego to do it, but it's for the greater good of his friends. He could probably find a decent guy for Luz if he searched, but none that would compare to Joe, and Bill is too good of a wingman to let either of them settle. 

Sometimes it seems like Joe is starting to take the bait, nodding along about how Luz could use a partner who'd appreciate his humour, could steady him or encourage him as needed, somebody who'd get on well with their friends, perhaps a rough and ready Pennsylvania guy – but he never seems to make that final mental leap. 

So, Luz is going to a mediocre diner with David, and Bill is lurking three booths over. It's not creepy, he just likes to observe the dates he sets people up on so he can check things are going okay, especially when it's a delicate situation like this one where he's balancing the fact that the date is supposed to be flop against the fact that he doesn't actually want either participant to be hurt either. 

At first things seem to be going as expected, David drones on all the way through ordering and the appetizer, responds to Luz's jokes with awkward, polite but obviously fake laughter, while Luz looks increasingly bored. 

Their main course has just arrived when the diner door slams open so hard the cutlery on the nearest tables rattles, as a dark haired guy storms across the room, making a beeline for Luz and David's table. 

"What the hell are you doing out with this guy?" he says, loud enough for the whole room to hear, and David glares right back. 

"A whole lot less that you were doing in our apartment, with my _sister_!" 

The whole room is silent and staring. Luz looks like he's thinking about making a break for it, and Bill doesn't blame him. Bill doesn't know who the fuck this new guy is. David had said that he was wholly single, hadn't even hinted that there was an ex on the scene, let alone a serious one if his reference to 'our' apartment was any clue. A breakup which involved his sister – christ. 

The guy slams his fists down on the table. "For fucks sake, I wasn't-! Your sister _hates_  me!" 

"That's not what it looked like from where I was standing. In fact it looked like she was getting  _very_  friendly with you. So maybe you should go back to her," David says, standing up and pushing the guy away from the table. 

"Back to her? I don't want anything to do with your sister. She just jumped on me right after we heard you coming into the apartment. She wanted you to see that, because she wants us to break up, you know that! And instead of asking for my side, you just go off running into the arms of this guy!" He whirls on Luz, "Who the fuck are you anyway? How long have you been seeing my boyfriend?" 

Luz stands, hands raised pacifyingly. "I only met him today, a buddy of mine set this up. I didn't know anything about any boyfriend." 

"Oh yeah? You were getting real cozy for somebody who doesn't know him," he says, shoving Luz. 

And then, out of nowhere, Joe Toye is sweeping in to the rescue. He wraps an arm around Luz's  waist and smiles. "Think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding here, buddy," he says, and when the guy doesn't withdraw the smile melts into a glare as he adds, "Back. Off." 

For a moment the guy bristles, and Bill suspect that there's going to be a fight, but then the guy seems to dismiss them both, removing himself from their space and turning back to David. 

"Use that big brain of yours, I never liked your sister, why would I want sex with her?" 

"You didn't like me at first, either," David says, and the guy scoffs. 

"I liked you, I just especially liked how cute you are when you're irritated. I never wanted to make you really angry though." 

David is looking less angry by the minute and sits back down in his chair, gesturing at the guy to keep talking. Meanwhile, Luz and Joe are sidling towards the door. David looks like he's got his guy handled so Bill drops a twenty on his table and follows Joe and Luz out of the diner and into the alley beside it. 

Laughing, Luz slings an arm around Joe's shoulders, dragging him down a little ways, and for a moment it's a simple celebratory gesture between buddies, but then Joe leans in the rest of the way and presses his lips to George's. 

Bill ducks behind a dumpster because holy shit, mission accomplished! But, he thinks, as he peaks over the top of the dumpster, that doesn't look like a first kiss. There's none of the nervousness and a whole lot of familiarity in the way they're holding onto to each other as Joe pushes George against the wall and... 

Woah. 

This is definitely not their first kiss, unless Bill has wildly misjudged how fast they move in relationships. 

He drops back out of sight behind the dumpster, reassuring himself that he's not acting like a voyeur because he could hardly have predicted that they were going to escalate things so rapidly, and hopes he's not about to find himself stuck in an alleyway listening to them go at it. 

Fortunately for him, they break apart a few moments later, and Joe says, "I think this was your shittiest date yet. Where is Bill finding these guys?" 

"I have no idea, it's weird. Do you think we should tell him about us?" 

"Nah. We're his only 'single' friends left. It'd ruin his fun." 

Luz laughs, but then adds, "He's gonna notice something's up eventually." 

"I dunno. He don't even know how to imagine that anybody might get themselves someone with 'Good Ol' Bill Guarnere's patented wingman services'," Joe says. "I reckon we could make it at least another coupla months before he starts to get suspicious." 

 _Those fuckers_. 

For a moment Bill is frozen with shock, but then he shakes it off. Fine. If that's how they want to play it, next time he's setting Luz up with the hottest person he can find, and he'll make sure they're funny too. Let's see how long Joe keeps wanting to keep Bill in the dark if it means he has to deal with genuine competition. Apparently he should have gone with operation jealousy after all. 

He's still adding this to his matchmaking success tally though. He's earned it. 


End file.
